Lost For Days

by Caela Butt

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about

so after many months of hard work, tested patience, and trial and error I have finally finished recording my first full album. these songs are stories spanning a decade of my life, and it feels lovely and terrifying to let them go. I hope you enjoy them because, after recording and mixing them myself, i don't want to hear any of them again for a very long time. all of my music will (always) be free to download and enjoy. however, i am heading out on a cross-canada tour in july so any donations will be much appreciated and greedily gobbled up by our gas-guzzling short bus. i also have hard copies in cd format available (which i designed and silkscreened myself!) for 5$ plus postage. get in touch if you want one! not all of the tracks were mastered together so you may have to fiddle with the volume between tracks. thanks for listening!

credits

released May 7, 2015

guitar/vocals/banjo/glockenspiel - caela butt

kicking dust, take me there, and fear the seasons were recorded, mixed and mastered by my kind, knowledgeable and generous uncle, steve sherman at steve sherman productions.
all other tracks were recorded, mixed and mastered by me in my bedroom despite me having no prior knowledge of audio engineering (so cut me some slack, ok?).

special thanks to sam pike and taylor esch for answering my frantic questions from across the country ("what the fuck IS EQ?") and sharing their knowledge with me and just generally being encouraging pals. thanks to noah wareness for help with my album art and teaching me that photoshop sux. thanks to rosa for sharing her very deep well of screen printing knowledge. thanks to my family for being endlessly supportive and extra special thanks to my grandma for still coming out to shows even though she is eighty-fucking-seven. thanks to my housemates for not getting mad at me when i woke them up playing glockenspiel at 7am and for being the greatest pals ever. and lastly, thanks to my loving partner declan for letting me turn the bedroom into a mess of patch cords, banjos and hoarded dishes and for spooning me forever when i had given up all hope of ever completing this project.

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about

Caela Butt Toronto, Ontario

Caela Butt is a sappy and optimistic folk musician from Toronto, Ontario. They sing songs about best friends, traveling, nature and heartstrings. They spend equally large chunks of time traveling around the country and getting cozy and fostering community in their hometown and these contrasting experiences continuously shape their music. ... more

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Track Name: Highway Lines
the winter has melted but this city, it's still cold
routine has taken over and i'm feelin' so old
so i pack my bags and hit the road, when all that's left is shattered hope
escape the familiar, embrace the unknown
and let the highway gospel soothe my soul

standin' on the shoulder in the midday sun
smiling at the drivers and stickin out our thumbs
you had one hand thumbin' west, the other hand in mine
there isn't any other way i'd rather spend my time

cause as the cars fly by and i see you look at me and smile
all my fears are lost in that string of yellow highway lines
i know we might bicker and i know we might fight
but i just don't want it any other way

we got a good ride, let's both take the back seat
fly by rolling canola fields under an infinite sky
we both got jobs and a great place to stay
these neverending saskatchewan roads will take me far away

to a place where everybody knows their neighbours
to a place where everybody knows the mayor
to a place where the thunderstorms rattle in your bones
to a place where they harvest their own grain
to a place where they hunt their own terrain
and to a place where we get drunk and play horseshoes all day long
a place called gerald, saskatchewan

but as the cars fly by and i see you look at me and smile
all my fears are lost in that string of yellow highway lines
i know we might be hungry and i know we might be lost
but i just don't want it any other way

then we left and headed further west
through the rockies, where the air is the best
the mountains were beautiful but fucking unforgiving
when i was dying of thirst on the side of the road
ya know i felt like i was finally living

and as we roll out our sleeping bags, side by side
underneath the stars guarded only by the mountains
i feel a freedom so real and a dream so strong
that i just don't want it any other way
i just don't want it any other way
i just don't want it any other way
Track Name: Kicking Dust
Well, yer passed out drunk beside me
and your slow breathing reminds me
of the relaxation techniques that I learned in therapy
and though we sleep well under false pretense
and we are nothing but tourists
we find a way to stay alive and satisfied in this place
of unmatched beauty, where the beaches they continue on to infinity
and maybe if we’re lucky, we’ll get lost at sea
and find a kind of peace
that’s unknown to our generation

Well yer walking slow beside me and your even steps remind me
Of the reasons I continue to walk along these roads
And though we don’t know where we’re going
Our pace is never slowing
cause theres something bigger than the both of us
That pushes us from coast to coast
from road to road, sea to sea
Theres something inside of me that’s makes me want to keep going
Even when the goings tough, even when I’ve had enough
And I want to throw this big bag down
and leave my life on the side of the road
Or in the bushes by the railroad tracks
I’d hop that westbound all alone and I’d never look back
I’d never look back

Now we’re home, you’re off at work, I’m all alone
Maybe I’ll call you on the phone
And tell you all about the status of my mental health
It’s suffering from this routine, from choking dreams
from same old scenes
From these apartment walls closing in around me
In this ugly city

I miss the wind on my face, I miss the sand between my toes
The crunch of gravel ‘neath my boots as we walked along those roads
I miss the grace of the first light waking us up in the morning
I miss running away, leaving town without warning
I miss kicking dust, waiting for a ride
With a smile on my face, and you by my side
And you by my side, and you by my side
Track Name: Two Hands
i've got two hands, one's for building one's for caring
i've got two feet, one is wild one is wary
i've got to escape this place, i've got to make it soon
i need to lie on cold hard ground, i need to howl at the moon
i've got two knees to crash down on when i fall
i've got two ashy elbows to push my way through it all
i'm gunna learn the hard way so i won't ever forget
the beauty of our labour and the value of our wit

i'm gunna till the ground and plant some seeds down in
i'll tend it 'till the roots grow deep and strong
i'll ache and sweat and struggle, spin stories, dream and kiss
ignore all of the busy city's calls
i'm gunna fell some trees and build my cabin tough
i'll fill up all the cracks with moss and rocks
work my fingers to the bone, learn how to be alone
let's turn the wilderness into our home

i've got two feet to walk and wander far away
i've got two little thumbs to bring me back again
somewhere within our reach is a forest, aged and pure
where with sweat and grace and luck
nature may let us endure
i've got two eyes to watch the clouds drift through the sky
ten fingers and ten toes to count all the reasons why
we'll be much more content when we survive by our own grit
or we'll die inside this gross machine, nobody wins this bet

i'm gunna till the ground and plant some seeds down in
i'll tend it 'till the roots grow deep and strong
i'll ache and sweat and struggle, spin stories, dream and kiss
ignore all of the busy city's calls
i'm gunna fell some trees and build my cabin tough
i'll fill up all the cracks with moss and rocks
work my fingers to the bone, learn how to be alone
let's turn the wilderness into our home

i've got two hands, one's for building one's for caring
i've got two feet, one is wild one is wary
i've got two knees to crash down on when i fall
i've got two ashy elbows to push my way through it all
i've got two feet to walk and wander far away
i've got two little thumbs to bring me back again
i've got two eyes to watch the clouds drift through the sky
ten fingers and ten toes to count all the reasons why

i'm gunna till the ground and plant some seeds down in
i'll tend it 'till the roots grow deep and strong
i'll ache and sweat and struggle, spin stories, dream and kiss
ignore all of the busy city's calls
i'm gunna fell some trees and build my cabin tough
i'll fill up all the cracks with moss and rocks
work my fingers to the bone, learn how to be alone
let's turn the wilderness into our home
i'll build my cabin tough, fill up all the cracks with moss and rocks
Track Name: Drunk Before Noon
all i need is these four chords
a couple of beers and you sittin' here beside me
with your number 7 cigarette hangin' outta that crooked grin
standin' there in your torn blue jeans
with your guitar and your apathy
you're screaming some angsty punk rock tune
you're drunk before noon

sometimes i wish that we could just hop on our bikes and ride out west
and when our tires finally deflated, bike chains rusted beyond repair
we could hit the nearest on ramp and it could take us anywhere
we could lay out sleeping bags side by side on the dirty ground
and we could kick it by the ocean and drink some wine
and when we're done
we'll put a message in a bottle and throw it into the horizon
a message in a bottle, and SOS saying help me please, anyone
i just can't keep my feet on the ground
just can't keep my feet in one place
the grace of the open road is the only one that i've ever really known

all i need is these four chords
a couple of beers and you sittin' here beside me
with your number 7 cigarette hangin' outta that crooked grin
standin' there in your torn blue jeans
with your guitar and your apathy
you're screaming some angsty punk rock tune
you're drunk before noon
you're drunk before noon

CHORDS: G / Am / C / D
Track Name: Edmunston As Fuck
G Am
We rode into town on the kindness of strangers
C G
We stopped in this small town feelin’ safe from danger
G Am
We were hungry as hell hadn’t eaten all day
C G
But everything was closed so we just wasted away in

G Am C
Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck
G Am C
In Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck
G Am C
Where everything closes at 8 o’clock, everything in
G Am C
Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck

The next few days we were lookin’ for some friends
But the only sign of culture or rebellion was
Hangin’ at the skatepark after dark
With the frustrated youth sippin’ gin and juice in

Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck
In Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck
Where the liquor store is at least an hour walk, from anywhere in
Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck

When our friends arrived it was time to celebrate
So we grabbed a case of beer and headed down to the lake
With tarps and tents we made ourselves a home
Wherever we travel forever we roam towards

Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck
In Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck
Where the dumpsters are either empty or locked
Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck

We spent 3 long days in that dirty train yard
We kept missing our train cause we couldn’t find a car
With a floor that would carry us away from this place
So we hit the highway, trying to escape from

Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck
In Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck
Where everyone hangs out at the ice cream shop, everyone in
Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck

We rode back into town on rusty rails
We knew to hop off when we smelt that paper mill
Pumpin’ clouds of smoke towards the heavens every day
In Edmunston by the river I’ll lay

Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck
In Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck
Where the railroad workers hang out at the ice cream shop, in
Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck
Track Name: Take Me There
where do i go when i need to be
far away from the people, from the crowded streets
where do i go to feel lonely
to hear the howl of the wild coyote

i'm trapped here in the noise, the rust, the concrete
staring hopelessly at screens
wish i was someplace where i could breathe a
deep breath and feel the crisp winter air
fill my lungs, fill my blood and take me there

where do i go to see the stars
to bathe in the moonlight, hear the wind groan in the dark
where do i go to be alone
to hear the ricer whispering secrets only i will ever know

i'm trapped here in the bright lights the sterility
in a prison that i've made, if i could only find the key
to get out of here, to finally declare
that that is where i belong, take me there

i'll go wherever my feet carry me
through the forest, through the cave, to the stream
i'll follow the stream until it meets the sea
and i'll let the bubbling currents swallow me
i'll go wherever my feet carry me
down the road, through the prairies, to the mountains
and i'll climb that mountain till i reach it's peak
and i'll look upon the land in it's entirety
and i'll dangle my feet off the edge, fearlessly

where do i go to feel small
to be humble, to be an animal
where do i go to feel the thrill
of the magic, of the mystery, of the crying whippoorwill

i'm trapped here in the awful clutch of memories
of a day when i felt tangible, a day when i felt free
i'll strum these chords and let this be a eulogy
to open roads and the horizon, take me there
to open roads and the horizon, take me there
'cause that is where i belong, take me there
Track Name: Running Away
it's that time of year, all my friends are leaving town
to go out and get their kicks before that snow starts falling down
it's that time of year all my friends are leaving town

i'm so tired of sayin goodbye
all the people that i miss are makin my stomach sick
i'm just so tired of sayin goodbye, sayin goodbye
(repeat)

and i wish you would ask me to run away
cause i'm really good at running away
i've got one foot out the door and the other foot don't work that well
my eyes on the horizon, and my head up in the clouds
my heads up in the clouds

i crave adventure and i wanna be
made aware of my mortality, everyday
i wanna be humbled and awed by the world around me
and i know it's mostly up to me
'cause i was born with everything i need
i can make my own fun
i'll grab my banjo, my backpack, my bb gun
'cause just like the boss i was born to run, i was born to run

i love the arcade it is my home, they are my family
we've got a garden, a porch, 2 dogs, 4 walls and a community
i love the arcade, my home, my family
so tonight i'll have a drink for all my pals out on the road
i hope the weather suits your taste
stay free, stay safe, stay weird, stay warm
i hope the highways and the train tracks
take you where you wanna be
and i hope that if you get homesick you'll stop and think of me
go ramble far and fast, lord knows i've had my turn
and while you see what mysteries lie abroad
i'll stay back and hold the fort
when the horizons that you're chasin lead you back this way
maybe we'll have built something here worthwhile
to make you wanna stay

and someday soon maybe i'll join your scattered ranks
when my blind optimism runs dry
when the weight of distance is just too much to bear
i'll take my first step out that door
and there ain't no tellin where ill go from there

for now you all know where i'll be
if you ever want to write to me
if you ever need a place to stay
if you ever want to hideaway
if you ever want to play a show
back here in toronto
for now you all know where i'll be
till the next time i run away
run away, i'll run away
till the next time i run away
run away, i'll run away

its that time of year, all my friends are leaving town
Track Name: Fear The Seasons
I fear the seasons, change and upheaval
hibernation is reality, vitamin D deficiency
i fear the seasons

sometimes i feel just like that little kid
who saw the wonder in the acorn and the oak
beach glass and bottle caps are buried treasures from the past
and all life still has it's mysterious cloak
but sometimes i feel jaded, i feel old
consumed by pessimism, fear, and aches and pains
insecurities creepin up my spine
to-do lists piling up and i don't know if i can leave my bedroom today

sometimes i feel just like that little kid
who smiles at every single stranger that she's passed
awkward and shy, but eager and kind
pokemon battles a fair form of justice
but sometimes i feel guilty, i feel wrong
like i'm a parasite and i take up too much space
every hurdle is a mile high and i dont know why i even try
wish i could just wash away with the rain
but on good days i'm still just that little kid
who spends her hours chasing waves and skippin stones
musty attics and old storm drains will all become my secret base
and adventure's never too far down the road

i no longer fear the seasons
is this wisdom? i dont know
but for now i'm content to just float along
like that little paper boat that i used to send down the creek
my mother strolling next to me
every moment an eternity
every day an opportunity
oh, i fear the seasons
Track Name: Cabin
black coffee, pork and beans
muddy shoes, april blues
pickin banjo, guttin fish
rough and calloused fingertips

rise with the sun and fall with the moon
trying to find my own sweet tune
screech with the magpie swim with the trout
deep breath in and deep breath out
screech with the magpie swim with the trout
deep breath in and deep breath out

robins nest at my front door
ants and spiders on my floor
tough as nails but weak as sin
let the adventure begin

the rain is beating on the roof
embrace the gentle solitude
hoot with the owl and cower with the mouse
deep breath in and deep breath out
hoot with the owl and cower with the mouse
deep breath in and deep breath out

when this body dies I will
roam and ramble on until
i find a cabin in the woods
atop a steep and grassy hill

ill haunt that shack forevermore
and await a knockin at my door
and any weary traveler
i will be the shelter for

the cold it bites the wind it stings
my mind it roams my heart it sings
newborn sparrows taking wing
the winter's fighting with the spring

gingko walks and smelly socks
drinkin' raindrops skipping rocks
howl with the wolf and wane with the moon
think ive finally found my tune
howl with the wolf and wane with the moon
think ive finally found my tune

when this body dies I will
roam and ramble on until
i find a cabin in the woods
atop a steep and grassy hill

ill haunt that shack forevermore
and await a knockin at my door
and any weary traveler
i will be the shelter for

screech with the magpie swim with the trout
hoot with the owl and cower with the mouse
howl with the wolf and wane with the moon
think ive finally found my tune
screech with the magpie, swim with the trout
deep breath in and deep breath out

CHORDS: Em / G / C / G
Track Name: All The Letters Never Sent
the first time we ever met was on that cramped up greyhound bus
from pictou to PEI, you came up and you said hi
it was your first time in the maritimes, and my first time to PEI
later that night in charlottetown was my first punk show in a house
my first time beggin for a couch
my first glimpse of a way out of these shackles that i'd bound
around and around myself

through all these first times, there have been some hard times
waiting 3 days for a train, gettin stranded at the border in blaine
pneumonia on the road, wounded hearts, and brutal sun stroke
but all the times that i had doubts you showed me anything was possible
you taught me to stand by what i believe
and if they can do it then so can we
taught me to follow my curiosity

my first time stickin my thumb out
my first time inside lookin out the window of a rusty old pickup's bed
my first time sleepin in a park
my first time scroungin in a dark, dank dumpster to find a meal
my first manhunt game in portland
scaling buildings and sneakin around
was the first time i saw every city as one big playground
the first time i crossed a country to try to see my favourite band
the first time i crossed a country just to see a friend

through all these first times, i've been broke most of the time
hear my stomach groan, i begged my parents for a loan
lived off the kindness of strangers and the skin of our teeth
other people's trash and wild blackberries
but all the times that we were broke as fuck you always found a way
to keep our stomachs fed and our habits met
and i think of you each day
that i learn to survive with what i've got
'cause i know i can survive with what i've got

the first time i drank 4loco was on top of a mountain
we had climbed and climbed all day
it was the first time i felt capable, the first time i felt brave
with adventure in my heart, malt liquor coursing through my veins
the first time we rode a train we got stuck in the cascades
riding a grainer in the rain, my fear of tunnels born again
i just wanted to put my feet on solid ground again
i don't think i've ever felt the same about this notion we call home

through all these first times, i've been scared a few times
creepy psychopaths in cars, gunshots and growls in the dark
getting lost in big cities and wilderness that's miles deep
i lost my soul the road can keep it
there's a little bit of it in me too

but all the times that i was frightened you taught me to persevere
and i don't know if you knew it but your friendship eased my fear
i might not see you that much, but i love you, dear
and you'll always be a friend of mine

so whenever you get sad
think of all the adventures that we've had, we've had together
and when you feel useless, when you feel low
know that you've changed someones life for the better
and whenever i get sad i'll hum this tune and think of you
and know that i can make it through
i hope we both make it through
i hope we all make it through