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Lost For Days

by Caela Butt

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1.
the winter has melted but this city, it's still cold routine has taken over and i'm feelin' so old so i pack my bags and hit the road, when all that's left is shattered hope escape the familiar, embrace the unknown and let the highway gospel soothe my soul standin' on the shoulder in the midday sun smiling at the drivers and stickin out our thumbs you had one hand thumbin' west, the other hand in mine there isn't any other way i'd rather spend my time cause as the cars fly by and i see you look at me and smile all my fears are lost in that string of yellow highway lines i know we might bicker and i know we might fight but i just don't want it any other way we got a good ride, let's both take the back seat fly by rolling canola fields under an infinite sky we both got jobs and a great place to stay these neverending saskatchewan roads will take me far away to a place where everybody knows their neighbours to a place where everybody knows the mayor to a place where the thunderstorms rattle in your bones to a place where they harvest their own grain to a place where they hunt their own terrain and to a place where we get drunk and play horseshoes all day long a place called gerald, saskatchewan but as the cars fly by and i see you look at me and smile all my fears are lost in that string of yellow highway lines i know we might be hungry and i know we might be lost but i just don't want it any other way then we left and headed further west through the rockies, where the air is the best the mountains were beautiful but fucking unforgiving when i was dying of thirst on the side of the road ya know i felt like i was finally living and as we roll out our sleeping bags, side by side underneath the stars guarded only by the mountains i feel a freedom so real and a dream so strong that i just don't want it any other way i just don't want it any other way i just don't want it any other way
2.
Kicking Dust 03:09
Well, yer passed out drunk beside me and your slow breathing reminds me of the relaxation techniques that I learned in therapy and though we sleep well under false pretense and we are nothing but tourists we find a way to stay alive and satisfied in this place of unmatched beauty, where the beaches they continue on to infinity and maybe if we’re lucky, we’ll get lost at sea and find a kind of peace that’s unknown to our generation Well yer walking slow beside me and your even steps remind me Of the reasons I continue to walk along these roads And though we don’t know where we’re going Our pace is never slowing cause theres something bigger than the both of us That pushes us from coast to coast from road to road, sea to sea Theres something inside of me that’s makes me want to keep going Even when the goings tough, even when I’ve had enough And I want to throw this big bag down and leave my life on the side of the road Or in the bushes by the railroad tracks I’d hop that westbound all alone and I’d never look back I’d never look back Now we’re home, you’re off at work, I’m all alone Maybe I’ll call you on the phone And tell you all about the status of my mental health It’s suffering from this routine, from choking dreams from same old scenes From these apartment walls closing in around me In this ugly city I miss the wind on my face, I miss the sand between my toes The crunch of gravel ‘neath my boots as we walked along those roads I miss the grace of the first light waking us up in the morning I miss running away, leaving town without warning I miss kicking dust, waiting for a ride With a smile on my face, and you by my side And you by my side, and you by my side
3.
Two Hands 04:29
i've got two hands, one's for building one's for caring i've got two feet, one is wild one is wary i've got to escape this place, i've got to make it soon i need to lie on cold hard ground, i need to howl at the moon i've got two knees to crash down on when i fall i've got two ashy elbows to push my way through it all i'm gunna learn the hard way so i won't ever forget the beauty of our labour and the value of our wit i'm gunna till the ground and plant some seeds down in i'll tend it 'till the roots grow deep and strong i'll ache and sweat and struggle, spin stories, dream and kiss ignore all of the busy city's calls i'm gunna fell some trees and build my cabin tough i'll fill up all the cracks with moss and rocks work my fingers to the bone, learn how to be alone let's turn the wilderness into our home i've got two feet to walk and wander far away i've got two little thumbs to bring me back again somewhere within our reach is a forest, aged and pure where with sweat and grace and luck nature may let us endure i've got two eyes to watch the clouds drift through the sky ten fingers and ten toes to count all the reasons why we'll be much more content when we survive by our own grit or we'll die inside this gross machine, nobody wins this bet i'm gunna till the ground and plant some seeds down in i'll tend it 'till the roots grow deep and strong i'll ache and sweat and struggle, spin stories, dream and kiss ignore all of the busy city's calls i'm gunna fell some trees and build my cabin tough i'll fill up all the cracks with moss and rocks work my fingers to the bone, learn how to be alone let's turn the wilderness into our home i've got two hands, one's for building one's for caring i've got two feet, one is wild one is wary i've got two knees to crash down on when i fall i've got two ashy elbows to push my way through it all i've got two feet to walk and wander far away i've got two little thumbs to bring me back again i've got two eyes to watch the clouds drift through the sky ten fingers and ten toes to count all the reasons why i'm gunna till the ground and plant some seeds down in i'll tend it 'till the roots grow deep and strong i'll ache and sweat and struggle, spin stories, dream and kiss ignore all of the busy city's calls i'm gunna fell some trees and build my cabin tough i'll fill up all the cracks with moss and rocks work my fingers to the bone, learn how to be alone let's turn the wilderness into our home i'll build my cabin tough, fill up all the cracks with moss and rocks
4.
all i need is these four chords a couple of beers and you sittin' here beside me with your number 7 cigarette hangin' outta that crooked grin standin' there in your torn blue jeans with your guitar and your apathy you're screaming some angsty punk rock tune you're drunk before noon sometimes i wish that we could just hop on our bikes and ride out west and when our tires finally deflated, bike chains rusted beyond repair we could hit the nearest on ramp and it could take us anywhere we could lay out sleeping bags side by side on the dirty ground and we could kick it by the ocean and drink some wine and when we're done we'll put a message in a bottle and throw it into the horizon a message in a bottle, and SOS saying help me please, anyone i just can't keep my feet on the ground just can't keep my feet in one place the grace of the open road is the only one that i've ever really known all i need is these four chords a couple of beers and you sittin' here beside me with your number 7 cigarette hangin' outta that crooked grin standin' there in your torn blue jeans with your guitar and your apathy you're screaming some angsty punk rock tune you're drunk before noon you're drunk before noon CHORDS: G / Am / C / D
5.
G Am We rode into town on the kindness of strangers C G We stopped in this small town feelin’ safe from danger G Am We were hungry as hell hadn’t eaten all day C G But everything was closed so we just wasted away in G Am C Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck G Am C In Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck G Am C Where everything closes at 8 o’clock, everything in G Am C Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck The next few days we were lookin’ for some friends But the only sign of culture or rebellion was Hangin’ at the skatepark after dark With the frustrated youth sippin’ gin and juice in Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck In Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck Where the liquor store is at least an hour walk, from anywhere in Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck When our friends arrived it was time to celebrate So we grabbed a case of beer and headed down to the lake With tarps and tents we made ourselves a home Wherever we travel forever we roam towards Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck In Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck Where the dumpsters are either empty or locked Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck We spent 3 long days in that dirty train yard We kept missing our train cause we couldn’t find a car With a floor that would carry us away from this place So we hit the highway, trying to escape from Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck In Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck Where everyone hangs out at the ice cream shop, everyone in Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck We rode back into town on rusty rails We knew to hop off when we smelt that paper mill Pumpin’ clouds of smoke towards the heavens every day In Edmunston by the river I’ll lay Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck In Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck Where the railroad workers hang out at the ice cream shop, in Edmunston, Edmunston as fuck
6.
where do i go when i need to be far away from the people, from the crowded streets where do i go to feel lonely to hear the howl of the wild coyote i'm trapped here in the noise, the rust, the concrete staring hopelessly at screens wish i was someplace where i could breathe a deep breath and feel the crisp winter air fill my lungs, fill my blood and take me there where do i go to see the stars to bathe in the moonlight, hear the wind groan in the dark where do i go to be alone to hear the ricer whispering secrets only i will ever know i'm trapped here in the bright lights the sterility in a prison that i've made, if i could only find the key to get out of here, to finally declare that that is where i belong, take me there i'll go wherever my feet carry me through the forest, through the cave, to the stream i'll follow the stream until it meets the sea and i'll let the bubbling currents swallow me i'll go wherever my feet carry me down the road, through the prairies, to the mountains and i'll climb that mountain till i reach it's peak and i'll look upon the land in it's entirety and i'll dangle my feet off the edge, fearlessly where do i go to feel small to be humble, to be an animal where do i go to feel the thrill of the magic, of the mystery, of the crying whippoorwill i'm trapped here in the awful clutch of memories of a day when i felt tangible, a day when i felt free i'll strum these chords and let this be a eulogy to open roads and the horizon, take me there to open roads and the horizon, take me there 'cause that is where i belong, take me there
7.
Running Away 05:10
it's that time of year, all my friends are leaving town to go out and get their kicks before that snow starts falling down it's that time of year all my friends are leaving town i'm so tired of sayin goodbye all the people that i miss are makin my stomach sick i'm just so tired of sayin goodbye, sayin goodbye (repeat) and i wish you would ask me to run away cause i'm really good at running away i've got one foot out the door and the other foot don't work that well my eyes on the horizon, and my head up in the clouds my heads up in the clouds i crave adventure and i wanna be made aware of my mortality, everyday i wanna be humbled and awed by the world around me and i know it's mostly up to me 'cause i was born with everything i need i can make my own fun i'll grab my banjo, my backpack, my bb gun 'cause just like the boss i was born to run, i was born to run i love the arcade it is my home, they are my family we've got a garden, a porch, 2 dogs, 4 walls and a community i love the arcade, my home, my family so tonight i'll have a drink for all my pals out on the road i hope the weather suits your taste stay free, stay safe, stay weird, stay warm i hope the highways and the train tracks take you where you wanna be and i hope that if you get homesick you'll stop and think of me go ramble far and fast, lord knows i've had my turn and while you see what mysteries lie abroad i'll stay back and hold the fort when the horizons that you're chasin lead you back this way maybe we'll have built something here worthwhile to make you wanna stay and someday soon maybe i'll join your scattered ranks when my blind optimism runs dry when the weight of distance is just too much to bear i'll take my first step out that door and there ain't no tellin where ill go from there for now you all know where i'll be if you ever want to write to me if you ever need a place to stay if you ever want to hideaway if you ever want to play a show back here in toronto for now you all know where i'll be till the next time i run away run away, i'll run away till the next time i run away run away, i'll run away its that time of year, all my friends are leaving town
8.
I fear the seasons, change and upheaval hibernation is reality, vitamin D deficiency i fear the seasons sometimes i feel just like that little kid who saw the wonder in the acorn and the oak beach glass and bottle caps are buried treasures from the past and all life still has it's mysterious cloak but sometimes i feel jaded, i feel old consumed by pessimism, fear, and aches and pains insecurities creepin up my spine to-do lists piling up and i don't know if i can leave my bedroom today sometimes i feel just like that little kid who smiles at every single stranger that she's passed awkward and shy, but eager and kind pokemon battles a fair form of justice but sometimes i feel guilty, i feel wrong like i'm a parasite and i take up too much space every hurdle is a mile high and i dont know why i even try wish i could just wash away with the rain but on good days i'm still just that little kid who spends her hours chasing waves and skippin stones musty attics and old storm drains will all become my secret base and adventure's never too far down the road i no longer fear the seasons is this wisdom? i dont know but for now i'm content to just float along like that little paper boat that i used to send down the creek my mother strolling next to me every moment an eternity every day an opportunity oh, i fear the seasons
9.
Cabin 03:32
black coffee, pork and beans muddy shoes, april blues pickin banjo, guttin fish rough and calloused fingertips rise with the sun and fall with the moon trying to find my own sweet tune screech with the magpie swim with the trout deep breath in and deep breath out screech with the magpie swim with the trout deep breath in and deep breath out robins nest at my front door ants and spiders on my floor tough as nails but weak as sin let the adventure begin the rain is beating on the roof embrace the gentle solitude hoot with the owl and cower with the mouse deep breath in and deep breath out hoot with the owl and cower with the mouse deep breath in and deep breath out when this body dies I will roam and ramble on until i find a cabin in the woods atop a steep and grassy hill ill haunt that shack forevermore and await a knockin at my door and any weary traveler i will be the shelter for the cold it bites the wind it stings my mind it roams my heart it sings newborn sparrows taking wing the winter's fighting with the spring gingko walks and smelly socks drinkin' raindrops skipping rocks howl with the wolf and wane with the moon think ive finally found my tune howl with the wolf and wane with the moon think ive finally found my tune when this body dies I will roam and ramble on until i find a cabin in the woods atop a steep and grassy hill ill haunt that shack forevermore and await a knockin at my door and any weary traveler i will be the shelter for screech with the magpie swim with the trout hoot with the owl and cower with the mouse howl with the wolf and wane with the moon think ive finally found my tune screech with the magpie, swim with the trout deep breath in and deep breath out CHORDS: Em / G / C / G
10.
the first time we ever met was on that cramped up greyhound bus from pictou to PEI, you came up and you said hi it was your first time in the maritimes, and my first time to PEI later that night in charlottetown was my first punk show in a house my first time beggin for a couch my first glimpse of a way out of these shackles that i'd bound around and around myself through all these first times, there have been some hard times waiting 3 days for a train, gettin stranded at the border in blaine pneumonia on the road, wounded hearts, and brutal sun stroke but all the times that i had doubts you showed me anything was possible you taught me to stand by what i believe and if they can do it then so can we taught me to follow my curiosity my first time stickin my thumb out my first time inside lookin out the window of a rusty old pickup's bed my first time sleepin in a park my first time scroungin in a dark, dank dumpster to find a meal my first manhunt game in portland scaling buildings and sneakin around was the first time i saw every city as one big playground the first time i crossed a country to try to see my favourite band the first time i crossed a country just to see a friend through all these first times, i've been broke most of the time hear my stomach groan, i begged my parents for a loan lived off the kindness of strangers and the skin of our teeth other people's trash and wild blackberries but all the times that we were broke as fuck you always found a way to keep our stomachs fed and our habits met and i think of you each day that i learn to survive with what i've got 'cause i know i can survive with what i've got the first time i drank 4loco was on top of a mountain we had climbed and climbed all day it was the first time i felt capable, the first time i felt brave with adventure in my heart, malt liquor coursing through my veins the first time we rode a train we got stuck in the cascades riding a grainer in the rain, my fear of tunnels born again i just wanted to put my feet on solid ground again i don't think i've ever felt the same about this notion we call home through all these first times, i've been scared a few times creepy psychopaths in cars, gunshots and growls in the dark getting lost in big cities and wilderness that's miles deep i lost my soul the road can keep it there's a little bit of it in me too but all the times that i was frightened you taught me to persevere and i don't know if you knew it but your friendship eased my fear i might not see you that much, but i love you, dear and you'll always be a friend of mine so whenever you get sad think of all the adventures that we've had, we've had together and when you feel useless, when you feel low know that you've changed someones life for the better and whenever i get sad i'll hum this tune and think of you and know that i can make it through i hope we both make it through i hope we all make it through

about

so after many months of hard work, tested patience, and trial and error I have finally finished recording my first full album. these songs are stories spanning a decade of my life, and it feels lovely and terrifying to let them go. I hope you enjoy them because, after recording and mixing them myself, i don't want to hear any of them again for a very long time. all of my music will (always) be free to download and enjoy. however, i am heading out on a cross-canada tour in july so any donations will be much appreciated and greedily gobbled up by our gas-guzzling short bus. i also have hard copies in cd format available (which i designed and silkscreened myself!) for 5$ plus postage. get in touch if you want one! not all of the tracks were mastered together so you may have to fiddle with the volume between tracks. thanks for listening!

credits

released May 7, 2015

guitar/vocals/banjo/glockenspiel - caela butt

kicking dust, take me there, and fear the seasons were recorded, mixed and mastered by my kind, knowledgeable and generous uncle, steve sherman at steve sherman productions.
all other tracks were recorded, mixed and mastered by me in my bedroom despite me having no prior knowledge of audio engineering (so cut me some slack, ok?).

special thanks to sam pike and taylor esch for answering my frantic questions from across the country ("what the fuck IS EQ?") and sharing their knowledge with me and just generally being encouraging pals. thanks to noah wareness for help with my album art and teaching me that photoshop sux. thanks to rosa for sharing her very deep well of screen printing knowledge. thanks to my family for being endlessly supportive and extra special thanks to my grandma for still coming out to shows even though she is eighty-fucking-seven. thanks to my housemates for not getting mad at me when i woke them up playing glockenspiel at 7am and for being the greatest pals ever. and lastly, thanks to my loving partner declan for letting me turn the bedroom into a mess of patch cords, banjos and hoarded dishes and for spooning me forever when i had given up all hope of ever completing this project.

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Caela Butt Toronto, Ontario

Caela Butt is a sappy and optimistic folk musician from Toronto, Ontario. They sing songs about best friends, traveling, nature and heartstrings. They spend equally large chunks of time traveling around the country and getting cozy and fostering community in their hometown and these contrasting experiences continuously shape their music. ... more

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